all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
