I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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