I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
