I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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