i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
