I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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