1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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