I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
