What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
