I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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