if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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