whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
