I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i dont even know how to be here
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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