I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is wine microwaveable?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
