sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
