Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
