My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
