i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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