ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
