So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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