I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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