Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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