I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
