I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
