I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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