Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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