so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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