someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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