Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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