This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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