Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
