I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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