I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
