VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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