It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
