Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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