I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
