Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
