you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Girls should come with a carfax report
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
