Sponge bath it is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
