Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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