Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
