So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
