And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
