I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
