is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
