wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
