The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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