repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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