I swear she didn't look like that last week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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