fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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