Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
