Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
