His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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