everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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