i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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