Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
