On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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