shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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