I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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