Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
