Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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