My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
