Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
