yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
