just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
