I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
