it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
