Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
