im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
