I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
