i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
