Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
