I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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